why I had to take a social media break
is taking a social media break good?
Me at El Yunque National Forest in Puerto Rico!
Wow. I cannot believe that it’s been nearly two years since I wrote my last blog post. Honestly, I am pretty ashamed to admit that.
When I first started this blog, I was so eager and excited to express myself. I mean, I look back at some of my earlier posts in awe of how effortlessly candid my writing came across. Like, I was just doing the damn thing!
And then, as I started writing more, and spending more time on social media, I became really overwhelmed. I was constantly comparing myself to other bloggers and started to get moody when I was not experiencing the level of growth that I expected. The sh!t wasn’t fun anymore, and it honestly started to become a little depressing.
So, I took a social media break. One month turned into two, two quadrupled into eight, and now, here we are damn near two years removed from my last post. Yes. Some people really recommend taking a social media break. And in many cases, taking a social media break can be good for protecting your mental health and can help you focus on what really matters in real life without external pressures. But, the reason why I am critiquing my hiatus so much is that I know my self-imposed break was the result of fear and illegitimate feelings of inadequacy. Hence why I’m ashamed that I left and never came back. But self-loathing never really got anybody anywhere, so, in an attempt to forgive myself, I am going to be really transparent and share some of the reasons why I decided to take a long-ass social media break. Hopefully this post can help anyone else who is stuck in a rut, or letting writer’s block keep them expressing themselves.
To start, I’m going to refresh y’alls memory and talk a little bit about why I even started this website.
my pandemic hobby
Blogging started as my pandemic hobby. I, like many other people, had a sh!t ton of time on my hands at the onset of the coronavirus pandemic in 2020. In order to occupy myself (#saferathome), I decided to pick up a long-term goal of mine: to start an amazing travel blog. I traveled a lot, and had many things to say, so I figured, why not!
So, in less than a week, I completely disregarded any sort of sleeping schedule, and spent all of my waking hours designing this website. I created content like I had never done before, which is important to note because those who know me know that prior to 2020, I rarely posted more than once a month on IG, unless I was on some dope trip somewhere.
Looking back, I will admit that I started scaling and developing my blog at a pretty unrealistic pace. I participated in blogging seminars, I watched hella YouTube videos, and I followed the every move of my favorite Black Travel Bloggers to get inspiration on how to grow my blog into a 75 figure empire that would release me from the shackles of my 9-5. I hastily threw myself into this field without a structured plan, and fell in love with this idea blogging.
“the problem with a lot of hobbies turned jobs for the sake of profit: some aspect, at some point in this journey, will become unsustainable. And, you as an individual have to choose what you are capable of doing.”
But, that’s the problem. I fell in love with the idea of blogging, and the potential that it carried to elevate my life from a job that I was currently pretty unhappy. But, I was not in love with, or at times, even aware, of all of the work that comes along with it. So, when this process evolved into more than what I initially expected, I had to ask myself, should I persevere and come to terms with this reality that pursuing any kind of dream, even a blog, requires a lot of work, or do I create better boundaries for myself and accept that a hobby is just that: something that you do for personal fulfillment with no other (monetary) expectations. I’m looking at you capitalism.
I honestly chose neither, and came to terms with this idea that doing nothing, was better than choosing either of those options. But, as I learned after many, many, hours of self reflection, abstaining from blogging and social media is never the right choice for me. So here I am. Back after a long social media hiatus to tell you why I did it, and how I am going to avoid this in the future. So, let’s get into it!
five reasons why I took a social media break
^and a blogging break
it was hard
Running a blog is real. fucking. work. Please do not let anyone tell you otherwise. I mean, if you are just doing it for kicks and giggles, and if you do not expect anyone to ever see anything that you write, other than those weirdos who scour every depth of the internet for fun, then yea, blogging is easy.
But, if you’re really tryna make money off of this sh!t, or even do the bare minimum of trying to make sure that you connect with the right audience (pedophiles please stay away), then this sh!t is hard AF. You have to be active on multiple platforms, like TikTok, Twitter, IG to maximize your outreach. You have to write consistently and collaborate with other brands and bloggers in your space to establish credibility in your field. And if you want to get free stuff (brand collabs), you have to post Yelp and Google Reviews, or whatever is kosher in your field to essentially prove to other people that you are worth their time and investment. Who the hell has time for alladat?
“Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction...most of the time”
I was so consumed by trying to do everything well, that I ended up doing nothing at all. Blogging is hard AF. So, for those who are struggling here’s a pro tip
Pro Tip: Be patient with yourself! You are one person, and you can only do so much. So, write in manageable chunks, and set realistic expectations for yourself.
2. I put too much pressure on myself
Idk if it’s because I’m an E/INTJ, or because I’m a virgo, but if I was gunna make this blog, I wanted to make it the best fuc%ing blog that anyone had ever seen. Hence why I did EVERYTHING too quickly, rather than growing at a rate to match my audience. I wanted it to be good, and I wanted everyone to know that it was good. And even though instant gratification is a thing now (thanks social media), it was unrealistic of me to expect success in this new venture without actually putting in the work.
I also felt this insatiable need to do everything on my own…probably to save money. During my long hiatus, I actually decided to learn how to do SEO to expand my blog. I made this complicated plan to add new maps and pages that would make this the best blog ever. And, in order to do things the “right” way, I decided that I would not post anymore content until I figured this sh!t out. And, while I do think that learning SEO was beneficial, it was way beyond my scope and capacity. I honestly could have hired someone to do it and saved myself the stress!
Pro Tip: Find your lane and stay in it and do not feel like you have to be great at everything. Know what you like to do, know what you’re good at, know what brings you joy, and stick to that. And, if you have the means, hire somebody to do the rest so that you can have more time to focus on those three things that I mentioned. If you don’t, then create a realistic plan for what you can do on your own. But, don’t let inaction, or this pressure to be perfect prevent you from pursuing your goals.
#selfcare
3. I needed to protect my mental health
Social media does a really good job of making you feel insecure. Even if you are an emotionally secure person (shoutout to my fellow anxious-avoidants), most people are still always tempted to ask themselves, damn these ni&&as really that much better than me?
Constantly comparing myself to myself to others, tracking my follower count everyday, and doing the most to create a well curated feed just became very unfun very quickly. The pressure to become something that I was not, or in this case, the pressure to grow my blog in way that was not fulfilling or realistic for me, was just way too much. Like the hell do I care if somebody from Topeka, KS unfollowed me? Since when did I look to anybody from the Midwest for validation?
And the crazy part is, I live a pretty dope and fulfilling life. Aside from romantic relationships, I have had the good fortune of being able to accomplish what I set out for myself. So, the idea that I needed to spend hours on social media to find followers just for the sake of clout was just not sustainable…nah bruh, I’m good on that.
One of the main reasons why I started my blog was to ignore the issues that I could not rectify with my job/occupation at the time. Like, I wanted to escape it because I felt stifled, but I still wanted to get PAID. Instead of admitting to myself that I was unhappy, and making a real change, I just hoped that I could write a few blog posts, get really good at it, and then let my life be changed for the better. But, when the blog got too tough, I did the same thing; I ran away from all of the responsibilities that came with it, rather than running towards them and facing them head on like an emotionally mature adult.
Pro Tip: You cannot run away from your emotions. Some people may be really good at distracting themselves or ignoring the issues that bring them pain, but ignoring these feelings is unhealthy and will make it harder for those who love you to support you. So, please seek therapy, journal, meditate, or do whatever you need to do to process your emotions.
4. I got busy
I applied to grad school during the pandemic! Thankfully, I got in, and I hope to detail the entire process in a series of posts and videos later on. But, at the time, applying to six MFA programs was EXTREMELY difficult. Making and committing to the the very tough decision to leave a life unfulfilling stability to chase a pretty risky dream in the hopes of creating a more fulfilling life for myself did not come without a lot of inner turmoil. On the one hand, I was proud of myself for actually facing the issues with my job and choosing to pursue the right path for me.
But, on the other, applying to graduate school was probably one of the most insecure periods I ever lived through. I had to be really vulnerable and put myself in a position to be judged by admissions committees in order to gain acceptance into their selective programs. And while I am completely at peace with the process, I would be lying if I said that I was confident enough in myself and in my art to feel like I deserved to be accepted at the time. So, I spent a lot of hours working on my applications to make them flawless and to give myself the courage to feel like I was good enough. Honestly, I think I wrote like 20 different drafts of my personal statement. Between that, and my low self-worth, I had absolutely no time to spend on social media.
Thankfully, I got into some great schools. So, my anxiety during the admissions process was not in vain. But, once I got into grad school, my professors RAN. ME. RAGGED. Ya gurl had absolutely no time to do anything other than eat, and go to school (notice how I left sleep off of that list). So, as time wore on, I became more comfortable with the idea of giving up. Like, maybe this was just a little hobby that was cute in 2020 that I was not meant to pursue.
But, I ignored that thought. Because deep inside, something in me knew that I was capable of juggling both! So, here we are!
Pro-Tip: Always know your why! If you can remember why you like something, it will help you (and others) feel more invested in the idea! So, don’t give up.
5. a few bad situationships
“A Situationship is emotional trauma in a gift box.”
Just like your average Black millenial, I got involved in a few situationships that really took the life out of me. Ok, not forreal, so let me stop being dramatic. But, they were extremely taxing emotionally, and caused me to be way too preoccupied with situations that were not serving me in the ways that I needed.
I will not say that the men discouraged me from writing, because most of them supported this goal of mine. But, I will say that I spent a lot of time searching for love and validation from them, that I really should have just been giving myself. Since I was dating from a place of insecurity and was suffering from low self-esteem (a la grad school apps) I focused way more on trying to make a situation work with the wrong people, rather than focusing on why I constantly felt unworthy. As I started to feel shittier about myself because of grad school, and more unworthy because of the failing relationships, I did not have the motivation to write.
When those situationships finally imploded, as they all do, I just did not have the urge to see people posting about engagements and pregnancies. I was a little too ashamed to get on social media and act like everything in my life was ok on the surface, when in the background, I was literally dying on the inside. The shit was just too painful. So, I stayed off of social media until I was ready to come to terms with my emotions, and could enjoy it from a place of joy, and not a place of hate.
Pro-Tip: Always, always, always find the fun in what you do. If you cannot do things from a place of love
THE END
Bless your soul if you made it to the end of this long-ass post! Clearly I’m a little rusty, and need to learn brevity. But despite my long-ass post, I am thankful that some of you read it! Taking a social media break is never an easy decision. And while I wholeheartedly support this decision for most people, I know that for me, it reflected a series of insecurities in myself that I needed to address. So, the next time that you’re itching to take a hiatus that is longer than normal, remember these five tips to help you get back to what you love:
Be patient with yourself!
Do what you’re good at, and outsource/find help for what you’re not!
Process your emotions so that they don’t prevent you from receiving
Know your why! Remember it, and let it be your guide!
Don’t forget to have fun with it!
